Being diagnosed with ANY disease, you feel like it is the death you of you, Death rolls across your mind for days, weeks, months on end until you believe it is real. There are days that you feel like you last day might be tomorrow... granted that might be the medicine but DAMN it seems SO real.
For days, I would imagine myself ramming my car into the highway barriers for MONTHS to make it look like an accidental suicide to make my loved ones feel at ease. I though about "accidentally" overdosing" on my medicine, I thought about doing self-harmful things to make it look like an accident so friends and family wouldn't hurt. I wanted to die in every way possible, I wanted to be gone as long as it didn't bring pain to myself and my loved ones.
I was diagnosed with kidney disease in my LAST SEMESTER of my senior year of my bachelor degree at Michigan State University. WTF?! I liked to party and drink...and hangout late and do nothing... I had to give that up for treatment? Fine. I was in a long distance- long term relationship with someone I adored. I knew things were going far. Ill apply for careers and see where it went...
Not very far. I wanted to stay close to those that I knew cared about me (my boyfriend, my family, and very few friends). It's incredible how much your self image changes during times like this. I went from a "140lbs girl to a 200lbs depressed, bed ridden, suicidal woman." THINGS ARE NOT EASY.
PREDNISONE CHANGES A PERSON (I can not express this enough...). I thought for months I was immune to predinose, LIES!!!!!! I gained 60+lbs while on this medication.
AFTER:
Despite working out consistently, I would still gain 5+lbs/week. I hid my depression very well until one week I needed help and I told my aunt and mom that I wanted to die rather than live. They talked me into going to my next doctor appointment at University of Michigan the following month where I broke down to the doctor that I was "madly depressed" and "that is was hard to see the point in anything anymore."
Finally, I was being taken off Prednisone and put onto a Chemotherapy that would make me be nauseous and puke nearly 3/7 days of the week. The amount of medication I was taking on daily basis was ridiculous.
Every morning forcing myself to take these pills was a chore and to remind myself that life WAS WORTH LIVING. I reminded myself that by posting very motivational quotes to Instagram...it seemed fake at t the time but it was my subconcious telling me to keep going, LIFE IS WORTH IT.
Granted, Nate was the one who kept me sane, I personally had to pull myself back to reality and know that this was only temporary, he was the one I was beautiful, and I was worth it, and that I had a purpose in life.
I decided to stop taking my medicne and turn to ItWorks Greens and I have been able to get off of my chemotherapy and be FULLY IN REMISSION FOR OVER A MONTH. I have lost 20+ lbs since being on the wraps and on ItWorks Greens and my doctor says everything is looking great.
I have been able to get off of my anit-depressants, anxiety, I no longer have thoughts of wanting to die, and now I see and incredible future in my path.
I WANT TO HELP YOU!! PLEASE GET A HOLD OF ME! If I can do it, YOU CAN TOO!
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