Pig and Whiskey: What's Keeping Me Going

The Pig & Whiskey Festival. Seriously? A weekend long event dedicated to pork and alcohol?

WHAT COULD BE MORE BETTER?!

I was looking forward to this event all week. It my cooped up madness that is unemployment, it is depressing that this is what got me through the week.

Upon arriving at the event, I decided to do a little pre-event drinkage at my buddy's place seeing how it was his birthday. After 5 beers and a rumbling belly later, we decided to walk to the event.

I was all about the food. Being on the steroids and waiting 3 hours (this is a long ass time for me) between my last meal so I could fully enjoy the heaven that was this pork festival I was starving.

You see, when I don't eat I become a bitch. Not in the cute, grumpy "Oh she's just hungry" kind of way. I'm more of the city destroying, fire breathing Godzilla in the Snickers commercial. I felt like I was going to kill someone without some sort of food in my mouth.

This was my mission of the night. Being the shit heads that we are, we didn't take into account that everyone also saved up their meals for the event.

LINES EVERYWHERE.

Goddamnit.

We decided to get our beers first instead and see if this helped the lines shorten up (in our heads this was logical, shut up). As we consumed our first beverage, we walked around the inspect the lines. We're they any shorter?

Nope. Back to the beer tent we go!

We repeated this exact process 3 more times before we were stumbling-idiots and we realized that we ALL really needed food in our alcohol filled bellies and decided on the tent with the shortest wait period.

Being the picky-eater at heart that I am, I had to special order my EIGHT DOLLAR pulled pork sandwich with no toppings- only meat and the bun. Turns out, this is fucking delicious. Mind you, this was only the second time I had ever had pulled pork but in my starving-drunk state, having food in my hand was about all I needed reach foodgasm.

The meat was so juicy and soft, typically this is not the way I normally like my meat (insert boner joke here), but this succulent meat was everything I needed in that moment. Having to wash down the glory that was my first meal, I SOMEHOW managed to finish my, *cough, ninth beer.  Boy, it sounds a lot worse when put into writing... whoopsies.

Beer? Why are we drinking beer? This is the Pig and WHISKEY festival for fuck's sake!

Off to the Jack Daniel's tent we go!

Sick of waiting in lines, we all decided to double-fist thinking that we would have drinks for twice as long. No, no. This only caused us to drink twice as fast.

Regular Jack on the right, Honey Jack on the left. Taste buds becoming more and more numb. Annnnnd I was hungry again. Must. Have. Food. Now.

Of course, the shortest line was nachos...why would they even have this as an option? I didn't care. Cosby and I scarffed that plate down like it was the only thing keeping us alive. Although, he did manage to take a very attractive selfie. As you can see, food is my everything:

Needing more to wash down our Nachos... back to the Jack Daniel's tent we go!

Just kidding (or am I?) this drunk-piggie needed to go HOME.

I won't bore with the rest of the night which was filled with deep conversations of the history of Detroit, a drunken-business pitch, a table so full of empty cans we had to move them to the ground, myself being woken up once with french fries being shoved into my mouth and another time with a very large snake slithering around my face.... 

Pig and Whiskey fest... oh how you don't disappoint.

Morning Cocaine and Toots

In order to combat my massive, semi-truck, double wide face and appetite of a morbidly obese man, I decided it would be a fantastic idea to try P90X3 today... at 5am... on a Tuesday. If you have no idea what I am talking about, you clearly missed my last blog

You see, I have been working out regularly since my diagnosis in April, trying to maintain what little health I seemed to have left. I am able to finish most of my workouts fairly easily at this point. I needed something more.

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past decade, P90X is one of the most famous work out programs available. It is known to be incredibly hard but get some incredible results. My boyfriend finished P90x3 this past year and talked me into giving it a go this morning.  Apparently, I needed more of a "challenge" in my workout regiment. Fuck.

Before I begin this story you should know one thing about me: I like to be in control. I like to be in control of a situation but more importantly (at least to the story) I like to be in control of my body. I don't do drugs because I don't like knowing I can't change my state of being at the drop of a hat if need be. I need to be in control of what is happening to my body at all times.

Let us continue.

To get through the workout I thought I should give myself some liquid motivation in the form of a pre-workout supplement. This was my first time ever taking liquid courage and had no idea what to expect. My boyfriend says it makes him feel like he needs to get up and move around. Awesome- I can handle that. Maybe it'd be like Adderall. NO. No, it was NOTHING like Adderall.

I put a scoop of the "blue-razz" flavor into water and guzzled down this sweet, concoction and I was immediately taken aback to being 10 and drinking Kool-Aid. Maybe it'll just be a something like an adult sugar rush. NO. No, it was NOTHING like an adult sugar rush.

Here I am sitting on the couch, scrolling through Instagram waiting for my sugar rush when BAM! Burning. Burning on the lips, my cheeks, my ears. EVERYWHERE. I touch my face and it makes it worse! I turn to my boyfriend. "I think it's happening..."

He gives me a devious smile, "You feeling the tingles?" Tingles? This is not TINGLES. This is a drug trip gone wrong. I felt like the guy in opening of Super Troopers who eats 2 whole bag of shrooms and starts having a bad trip.

The only way I can describe this sensation was a sunburn gone wrong. My skin was on fire and the more you touched it the worse it got. My skin is already sensitive enough and gets red with the touch of a feather, this burning sensation looked like I was a dipped in red and white tye-dye. I was blochy as fuck.

Not only did it make my skin burn like crazy, it made me have to fart like crazy. All of a sudden my stomach was rumble-bumbling and I had to toot like a mother fucker. Of course, trying to maintain my innocence and lady-like demeanor with my boyfriend present, I was holding them all in.

This only made it worse.

As we were working out and jumping around, apparently all the gas that I had built up from holding all the "bottom-burps" in was getting pushed down.

It had to come out somehow.

While in the middle of jumping jacks, I let out a small fart. He didn't seem to notice. A second one came and this only caused it to get worse. It all wanted to come out at once.

I tried my best to hold it in but it just wasn't going to happen with all the jumping settling the gas to the end of my digestive system. I let a squeal of sound emit from my body. Nate, gave me a cock-headed, confused look and I was so embarrassed all I could do, it the middle of jumping jacks mind you, was to look at the ground and say with defeat, "Excuse me..."

"Was that a fart?!" He asked me with surprise. All I could do was shake my head. "I thought it was just your shoe!"

Wouldn't that have been the normal, logical cover-up. Any average person would have thought to use that excuse. I HAD AN OUT.

No, no. Not me. I was so caught up in the sun-burn "tingle" and disappointment of not getting an adult sugar rush, I admitted to my first fart in front of my boyfriend.

At this point, I was no longer worried about my burning skin as I was about how I was going to hold all the rest of my gas in for the rest of the work out.

Needless to say, I will not be taking pre-workout again.

Gettin' Swole on Roids!

No no no- this is not the kind of swole you're thinking of. I'm not one of those meat-heads at the gym that is so self involved I get a chubber looking at myself doing curls.

My kind of swole is in the terms of "swollen." My face, my stomach, my NECK. Who knew your neck could get so round?

Let me back up a minute here for you and start from the beginning of this glorious journey.

In April, I was diagnosed with not one but TWO different kinds of kidney disease. Thanks a lot body- so much for all my self love. To get my kidneys to function properly again my doctor put me on a high dose of steroids (60mg/day). No, not the kind that you get on the black market and shoot up in my ass in the bathroom stall. No, the kind you get at the pharmacy and are notorious for making people gain weight. Awesome- I was already self conscious about my body.

I did my research and all forums, medical sites, and health pages said I was going to gain weight whilst on predisone. Why does it make you gain weight? Well apparently your appetite increases significantly and you want to eat anything and everything. I didn't have this problem, I was one of the lucky few that didn't have any AWFUL side effects!

 ...At least for the first 2 months.

You see, at the end of June my doctor lowered my dosage from 60mg/day to 40mg/day because my kidneys were responding positively to the medication- sweet. With this, came a change in pills. Instead of taking 6, 10mg pills of predisone a day I was now taking 2, 20mg pills a day.

I swear this is the reason for the change in my body but everyone else seems to think it is just the steroids catching up with me because of how long I have taken them. I now have all the stereotypical side effects of taking medical steroids.

I have developed "moon face" which is where you have the face-shape of what can only be described as a basketball. Not only did my face get more round but my wonderful body decided it wanted to be even more attractive and spread down to my neck so I no longer have a jaw line and have a BEAUTIFUL double-chin. SEXY. Here is a picture taken of me in April compared to Fourth of July weekend. I know what you're thinking... Where's the difference?

One positive of gaining extra weight and having a double-wide face is I expanded my diet... A LOT. I was no food-critic or the most exciting eater before. The most exotic I would get is garlic salt on my popcorn, but with the increase in appetite (hold your giggles for all the foods that you are shocked by) I have tried:

• Pesto
• Coffee (I loooooooove me some coffee now!!)
• Ketchup (who goes 22 years without trying fucking ketchup?)
• Ranch (fucking 22 years)
• BBQ sauce (What is wrong with me?!)
• Salmon
• Shrimp
• Steak
• Cheesy Onion hashbrown cassorole
• Strawberries (22 years without eating this delicious nectar)
• Turkey Bacon
• Pistachios
• Edamame
• Sweet Potatoes

 If only you could have seen me trying ranch and ketchup for the first time. Mind you, I may have had a few adult beverages and was in need of some salty goodness on my fries. My boyfriend convinced me to try the two condiments. I don't exactly remember trying them but he says I tend to make this face when trying new food which can only be described as "a porcupine stuck in my mouth and the only way to get it out is to throw it up." So with that very attractive face in mind, I tried a fry with some ketchup, first- porcupine face, then, with my mouth agape, I heard angelic voices and I was reborn.

This is the typical response for any food that I have tried since.

I'm not sure if it is due to the fact that I am now grown up and my taste buds are developing or the fact that the steroids make me hungry... ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I wake up hungry. I go to bed hungry. I eat and 30 minutes later my stomach is growling at my to stuff more ketchup slathered french fries into my round-ass face. I will pretty much try anything at this point just to have something in my mouth (get your mind out of the gutter you sicko).

I got the hankering to try out some lettuce today (again, 22 years). EAT ALL THE FOOD! Nom-nom-nom!

How NOT To Get A Job

1.  Get your degree in a soft science
2. Truly believe you'll get a job that has to do with your degree

But really though...

My anthropology adviser in college assured me I would be able to do sooooo much with my degree, boy was she wrong.

Yes, maybe if I go to graduate school for another few years of my life and a few thousand dollars later I will receive a job that has to do with my degree. My measly $26,000 in debt and my poor bachelor's degree ain't doin' shit for me.

Spring semester of my senior year at Michigan State and all hyped for the 'real' world. Excited and proud of my social science degree, I was going to do something great in the world with what I have learned. I will fight for the rights of others and change the world! I was so naive... and stupid. Here is a screenshot of a picture I posted, so proud of myself... No shit I got 15/15. Yes, I love my degree and social sciences, but it's all objective.

My boyfriend was constantly lecturing me, telling me to enjoy what little time I had left. "But I'm so excited to have a daily routine that ends at 5:00 and doesn't have to continue with homework and studying!" I would nag back at him. I applied for about 10 different jobs, all in non-profit. All I ever heard was "There's no money in non-profit". I didn't care about money, I wanted change!

Now here I am, balls deep in these little things called bills that require money. That's when it hit me- BANG! Turns out you need money and everyone was right about that little fact.

I got a job at a marketing firm that did work for a non-profit. I didn't know a lot about the job going into it other than I would be going out in the "field" and getting people involved with the non-profit. I was pumped! How many people ACTUALLY get a job in the field that they graduated college with. I was one of the lucky few!

WRONG.

This thing called the "field"was, more or less, door to door marketing for the non-profit. Don't get me wrong, I love the work that this job did and what they stood for but, DAMN, is door to door hard work! On a daily basis I would get the door slammed in my face and dogs threatening to rip my arm off. The first month on the job I was so happy to be doing the work that the rudeness of people washed right off me. And then it caught up to me.

I wasn't making a lot of money, barely able to pay my bills, let alone get groceries or my medications I needed. People were constantly bothered by the work I was doing, I was working 6 days a week and had no time to myself. This isn't for me. I had to get out of this job... NOW.

All this happened a week ago.

They always say the first job out of school is the hardest- they are right. It got to the point where all I wanted was to get out SO bad, I maaaaaay have possibly just mentioned to my co-workers and boss that I already had an offer and was starting next week.  This was done to rationalize the leave and save what little dignity remained for me at this office, buuuut JOKE'S ON ME.

Here I am today, getting all anxious for my extended "weekend," 3 weeks left of pay checks and rent due in 4.

My plan for today: go to Royal Oak Starbucks- apply for job,  go to Troy Starbucks- apply for a job, go to Lush- apply for a job, go to Loco's in downtown Detroit- apply for a job. Bachelor's degree required? NOPE.

Hello Internet Friends!

Hello and welcome to this awkward and vulnerable experience we call blogging! This is my first time doing this so bear with me here.

I have been watching YouTube videos since the website was created but first got into "following" YouTuber's about 2 years ago when I fond one of Jaclyn Hill's make-up tutorials on Pinterest. Since then I have been following people like Zoella, Joe Snugg, Tayna Burr, Marcus Butler, Nikki Phillippi, and my all-time favorite, Karissa Pukas. Now, you may be wondering why I am here talking about YouTube while blogging... well, many of these people started out with having blogs which I have followed for years now.

I have always thought about starting my own blog but

1. Didn't have the time because I was in school
2. Too lazy (whoopsies)
3. I am awful with technology
4. Was afraid of putting myself out there (vulnerability)

Now that I have graduated from Michigan State University and gone through the "post-graduate" slump, I decided what better time than now to try something new?! What have a got to lose really? I have no shame and I have learned to enjoy sharing my life with people. 

One thing that you may be wondering about: the title of my blog, "My Limbo Life." I wanted it to be titled "My Life in Limbo" but apparently some lucky Mother F-er already stole that name so I got the second best option. Meh- works for me. 

I choose this because I never feel as though my life is never quite "there". What is there you may ask- good question. I'm not 100% sure myself but what I do know is this: I am never dead broke, yet I never have enough money. I am never deathly ill, yet I never feel healthy. I am not over-weight, yet I am not in perfect shape. I am never fully put together, yet I am never lookin' a hot mess (at least not most of the time). I am always in limbo, somewhere in-between. I am neither here nor there.

So here we are; ready to embark on this exciting journey together. What can you expect from me? 

Well, first off expect blunt honesty. Since going to college, I have learned to have no shame. I tend to over-share with people and I find that to be healthy and a bit embarrassing at times but why hide who you are, right? As for content wise, you can expect a jumbled mess- at least here in the beginning. I plan on telling you about my health, my life experiences (HA HA Aunt Sue and Aunt Kim), embarrassing stories, reviews on products, restaurants, and bars (shots! shots!), and pretty much anything else that I feel like sharing with my new found internet friends (yes, that's you!). 

Are you excited as I am?! I certainly hope so. I got to tell ya, I woke up at 5:00 AM this morning with this idea and have been running with it since. I feel a bit scared and vulnerable but more importantly, over joyed because I have a feeling (just go with me here) that this could be something awesome. With your help and input, we could make this into great, enthusiastic community. Who's with me?!

Till next time my internet friends

XOXX